This Saturday morning I’ll wake up and do the hardest thing I’ve had to do in my life. I’ll quietly get up and creep downstairs, turn on the Christmas tree and let the dog out. I’ll put a coffee pod in the Keurig and check to see if the newspaper has been delivered. I’ll let the dog back in and sit down with my coffee and a greeting card with pen in hand. I’ll then attempt to write via the the greeting card something that lets the woman I have been married to for forty years know just how much she means to me on our anniversary.
I’m pretty adept at communicating via the English language. I’m a passable writer and my verbal skills are fair to middling. I just don’t know how in the world I’m going to tell this amazing woman how much she means to me.
When I was growing up and coming into the age of reason, my greatest hope was that some day at some point and for some length of time, someone might possibly love me. I guess I didn’t have the best self-esteem back then.
What do you say to someone who has loved you unconditionally for those years? Do you thank her for being there when you were sick, sad, confused and beaten down by life? Do you let her know that she’s beautiful and so very kind? Do you tell her that after 40 years there is no one in the world you’d rather have as your friend and wife?
I’ve said all these things and more over the years, so to say them now seems weak and unimaginative. I’ve written and erased what I was going to write a dozen or so times already because the words weren’t up to the task.
I love words. I love using the perfect word in the perfect situation to convey the exact intent. I acquired jobs with my words, passed exams with words (when I didn’t know what the real answer was), made friends with words and changed kids’ lives with words. When it comes to how I feel about Lynn, my ability to communicate becomes mute.
So all of you who may read these please wish me luck and pray that this Saturday, December the 23rd, I find the right words to let this angel on Earth know just how much she means to me.